i don't really have anything too hardcore to update about, i'm just sick and i'm bored. i miss my mohos. i can't wait until i start trading [come on, february!] so i can maybe afford to have a real life! i'm not very exciting, i leave my house at 6:30am and i don't get home until 7:30pm or later. i'm reading my series 7 study book. weekends are the only time i really have for fun, except i've been sick since this past tuesday and i left my house twice since then -- once to go to the doctor, and once to attend my uncle jay's memorial service. he was in top shape, he was 62, he had an aneurysm while using a rowing machine, he had retired 2 weeks prior. it sucks, he was awesome, i cried a lot more than i thought i would, blahblah death. this was yesterday, i don't even want to think about anything right now. i'm doing laundry and it's funny because in between loads i'm fine and then when it comes down to actually doing something, i start huffing and puffing and hacking and i can't breathe and i get all sweaty and i remember "oh shit, i'm sick". i'm not used to having so much time in my house, i'm trying to make the most of it. i'm already planning on cleaning my room & the bathroom once i'm done with laundry. fucked up, right?

i'm trying real hard to see the silver lining right now and it's not working. a friendship just ended over $50 and i feel like i should be more broken up about it, but to be honest, i know that there's bigger things in life to deal with. if she doesn't want to pay me back and she wants to treat me like shit, then i guess she wasn't much of a friend, right?

so i think minus this week [getting sick, jay dying, 9/11, friendship ending, etc] i've conquered my depression. i'm goal oriented, i'm thinking toward the future, i'm looking for ways to improve my life, i'm responsible...i just have a messy room and a lot of fucking laundry. this makes me very happy. the conquistador part, not the slob part.

i want to take a nap. shit all i've been doing since tuesday is sleeping on and off. i hope this makes me get better soon, i'm sick of being sick [how many times have i said that?] i just need to not think for a while...